X is the Y of Z

“X is the Y of Z” is a snowclone–an adaptable, Mad Libs-like idiom like “May I compare thee to an X?”, “X is the new Y,” and “I for one welcome our new X overlords.” This snowclone touches on every subject imaginable, including music. So without further adieu, today’s topic is…

Lester Bangs

Truth be told, I’m more of a writing geek than a music geek.

I’d probably enjoy reading legendary music critic Lester Bangs even if he wrote about kidney stones or golf tournaments. He was just that good, as shown in magnificent sentences like this James Taylor-inspired beauty:


“Hate to come on like a Nazi, but if I hear one more Jesus-walking-the-boys-and-girls-down-a-Carolina-path-while-the-dilemma-of-existence-crashes-like-a-slab-of-hod-on-JT’s-shoulders song, I will drop everything (I got nothin’ to do here in California but drink beer and watch TV anyway) and hop the first Greyhound to Carolina for the signal satisfaction of breaking off a bottle of Ripple (he deserves no better, and I wish I could think of worse, but they’re all local brands) and twisting it into James Taylor’s guts until he expires in a spasm of adenoidal poesy.”

I just have two things to say: 1) That dude could write. 2) Every so-called Lester Bangs of what-have-you below should be flattered.

“I’m also still a kid at heart – so I try to combine that professional attitude and understanding with some punk rock energy and excitement, as well. (The Lester Bangs of Chicago theater criticism, anyone?)”

(Oct. 27, 2009, Brian Krist, examiner.com)

“Writing about horror has been a constant in my life for, well, long enough to scare me. In the early ‘90s, inspired by the Lester Bangs of horror journalism, Chas. Balun (Horror Holocaust, The Gore Score, Deep Red magazine, GoreZone’s ‘Piece O’ Mind’ column), I thought it’d be a great idea to start self-publishing my own fanzine and with some expert help from a friend who did layout and design work at the newspaper I wrote for at the time, the first issue of Gravedigger’s Union made it into the world back in 1993 – a year that now seems ancient to me.”

(Sept. 7, 2009, Jeff Allard, Zombos’ Closet of Horror)

“Jim Sterling of Destructoid, whose post ‘On the bright side, the plastic can be recycled to make toys for victims of child abuse. Things go full circle.’ referencing Michael Jackson’s many troubles with lawsuits, was hailed as a high point of the post-death response. The Tweet, which was released mere moments before the death was officially confirmed, led one source to call him ‘the Lester Bangs of horrible celebrity journalism.’”

(June 26, 2009, Hardcasual)

“That quote came not from the Lester Bangs of whack jazz Mark Saleski, but from none other than Pitchforkmedia.com.”

(Jan. 5, 2009, Blogcritics Music)

“Interesting discussion! Makes me sorry the publisher has been pitching the book as the “Robert Parker” of perfume, when it’s becoming clear we’re actually the Lester Bangs of perfume.”

(April 30, 2008, Perfume Posse)

“the lester bangs of zombie writing? – from stomptokyo.com”

(Oct. 8, 2007, Livejournal)

“This quest to become the Lester Bangs of the casino industry will be entertaining to watch if nothing else.”

(May 8, 2007, ratevegas.com)

“The Lester Bangs of Video Games
Sorry, that was misleading. There is no Lester Bangs of video games. Why?“

(June 30, 2006, Chuck Klosterman, Esquire)

“A reply to the Lester Bangs of Furniture Retail…”

(June 30, 2006, Sand Pebbles)

Mark Peters is a language columnist and humorist who writes for Good, Visual Thesaurus and other mags, while maintaining too many blogs, including Wordlustitude, The Rosa Parks of Blogs, and The Pancake Proverbs.

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