X is the Y of Z

“X is the Y of Z” is a snowclone–an adaptable, Mad Libs-like idiom like “May I compare thee to an X?”, “X is the new Y,” and “I for one welcome our new X overlords.” This snowclone touches on every subject imaginable, including music. So without further adieu, today’s topic is…

Mel Tormé

Though his resume is long enough to make Wilt Chamberlain roll over in his grave from jealousy, to a halfwit like myself, legendary crooner Mel Tormé is most notable for his appearance in “The Jimmy,” that great Seinfeld episode in which Mel guested and the preposterous third-person-happy Jimmy character appeared, inspiring future statements like “George is getting upset!”

Based on my Seinfeld scholarship and the citations below, I would say Mel crooooons sooooooo smoooooth. Beyond that, further research is needed. I can’t do everything for you people, though I would agree to personally evaluate the Mel Tormé of coffee. Mark would love that!

“Brothers and sisters of the grand pacific union of the unorganized, nothing could better personify the gerbil-wheel nature of piecard unionism in America than this guy from high-60’s Yale, late of Vegas, and now most firmly DC-centered — the Mel Tormé of bottle-washing, John Tempelhof Wilhelm III:”

(Sept. 28, 2009, Owen Paine, Stop Me Before I Vote Again)

“I’d miss his dulcet tones. He’s the Mel Tormé of The House. Such a wonderful voice, and his little lisp is to die for.”

(Sept. 3, 2009, New England Republican)

“John Buchanan is the Mel Tormé of Council Critters. Except where Mel’s the ‘Velvet Fog,’ John is the Velveeta Fog. A real cheese flavored product.”

(Aug. 6, 2009, Sierra Madre Tattler)

“Mel Tormé is the Mel Tormé of bad movies. He has a great part in the movie ‘Girls Town’, with Mamie Van Doren. No motorcycles but a great rebel youth movie.”

(July 9, 2009, The Noise Boston)

“Must be that velvet crooner’s voice. The Mel Tormé of the folksy set.”

(May 7, 2009, Alexandria)

“It speaks. It whispers. 

It is subltle. It is velvet.

It is the Mel Tormé of vodkas.”

(April 6, 2006, Voxvaleo)

“Catching the wave of podcasting, DScott combines his talent and wisdom behind the keyboard with a voice that would sooth the most savage of beasts. He is like the Mel Tormé of sports internet podcasting.”

(Aug. 24, 2005, Throws Left, Bats Right)

“Margie, You are the Mel Tormé of print tips; I’m sure you could make the phone book sound good.”

(2005, John Elder, Boston Print Buyers)

“The Mel Torme’ of the terminally downbeat, Leonard Cohen (born September 21, 1934, Montreal Quebec) was an underground hero during the 1960s and 1970s and is a poet and songwriter whose work should be regarded as highly as Bob Dylan’s but isn’t.”

(2004, Oliver Trager, Keys to the Rain: The Definitive Bob Dylan Encyclopedia, p. 227)

“Sulawesi

The ‘Mel Torme’ of coffee is lush and sonorous. A complex and rare cousin of Sumatra, full-bodied, well balanced acidity, and sweet, nutty, herbal flavors. Sulawesi is grown in small family plots among a shade canopy of banana, avocado, citrus, and clove trees. Diverse plantings not only sustain the family but also contribute to the complexity of aroma and flavor.”

(date unknown, Coffee of Indonesia)

Mark Peters is a language columnist and humorist who writes for Good, Visual Thesaurus and other mags, while maintaining too many blogs, including Wordlustitude, The Rosa Parks of Blogs, and The Pancake Proverbs.

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