X is the Y of Z

“X is the Y of Z” is a snowclone–an adaptable, Mad Libs-like idiom like “May I compare thee to an X?”, “X is the new Y,” and “I for one welcome our new X overlords.” This snowclone touches on every subject imaginable, including music. So without further adieu, today’s topic is…

Paula Abdul

I’ve never been a fan of Paula Abdul’s music, which may not immediately mark me as a freak. However, I’ve also never seen an episode of American Idol, which feels like admitting to owning a full closet of tin-foil hats, as well as current membership in a leper colony.

But even though I know somewhere between diddly-poo and zilchola about good ol’ Paula, the linguistic evidence speaks volumes. Based on the quotations below, I can only assume Paula is the kind of judge who would say even I could sing, and I can’t carry a tune from my ass to my elbow. She also seems to have a rep as the Keith Richards of American Idol, or at least the wasted mom. Perhaps she is also the Brett Favre of Idol, as one writer called the ever-retiring, ever-returning, Hamlet-like QB the Paula Abdul of football.

Who knows? Perhaps you, dear reader, are the Paula Adbul of your bowling league or doomsday cult. I wouldn’t dare to speculate.

“We went with ‘Crazy People,’ starring Dudley Moore, Daryl Hannah and Paul Reiser. I got a kick out of it, but I’m the Paula Abdul of movie critics so don’t go by me.”

(Aug. 19, 2009, Flying High and Sitting Pretty)

“Brett Favre is the Paula Abdul of football. He needs to make up his mind before he gets the boot for good. You’re either in or out, mister. And you’re absolutely right he’s a coddled athlete. They need to quit treating him like a precious baby who throws constant tantrums. Tough love is what this guy needs.”

(Aug. 18, 2009, Personal Money Store)

“’Palin is the Paula Abdul of politics.’ That is the best analogy I heard. For good and bad, that is so true. I think I will post that everywhere. Thanks!”

(July 23, 2009, CNN Political Ticker)

“4:17: I thought McShay would be more heavily involved with the ESPN broadcast. I had a theory that Mel Kiper was the Paula Abdul of ESPN’s draft coverage, and he was slowly getting phased out by the newer, younger, flashier replacement. But it appears that Mel still rules the roost.”

(April 25, 2009, Daily Norseman)

“Ah. Basically, not for any actual, you know, accomplishments in philosophy; but because he is top judge in a popularity contest. So he is kind of the Paula Abdul of philosophy? Didn’t know there was such a person. Learn something new every day.”

(March 8, 2009, What’s Wrong With the World)

“GameSpot hasn’t known how their own review system works for ages. Sure, it’s nice to know that they kept the ridiculous levels of nitpicking douchebaggery that Jeff Gerstmann took with him into work each day… before they fired him… but they are simply unable to balance out their own reviews. As Pereira points out, Operation Darkness, a game so bad that the Paula Abdul of video game review sites (IGN) gave it a 2.5, received a higher score on GameSpot than Too Human, even while the OD review was much, much more critical.”

(Aug. 24, 2008, James Walker, Binge Gamer)

“The Paula Abdul of Naval Architecture

Got a chance to go to the Naval Academy and be a judge for their senior design projects. It was a fun day and a good learning experience. It was cool to see the projects and interesting that they all chose non-military vessels.”

(April 20, 2007, Enjablog)

“I don’t know why you people act like it’s painful to watch Ms. Oshry. She’s got beautiful hair and she’s drunk and crazy. She’s the Paula Abdul of B-list cranks.”

(April 11, 2007, Clown Central Station)

“anyway, it was a let down for me. i wanted to see more cooking and less lorraine bracco looking tipsy. she was the paula abdul of the top chef panel. anyway, hooray for the first season- i can’t wait for season two and a new host. (ps: i wish i could try tiffnai’s artichoke risotto)”

(May 24, 2006, Design Sponge)

“As much as I appreciate the finely-tooled detail and enthusiasm of your response, I hope you understand that the ultimate AMBIVALENCE of your perspective is NOTthe kind of attitude that will get you picked up for another season! In ‘American Idol’ terms, you’re the Paula Abdul of superheroes — Miss Nice ‘Oh, Whatever’ Guy. But it’s Simon, the Killer Judge, that 40 million people love to hate — and that’s why the show will be with us for too, too long.”

(Jan. 23, 2003, Google Groups)

Mark Peters is a language columnist and humorist who writes for Good, Visual Thesaurus and other mags, while maintaining too many blogs, including Wordlustitude, The Rosa Parks of Blogs, and The Pancake Proverbs.

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