X is the Y of Z

“X is the Y of Z” is a snowclone–an adaptable, Mad Libs-like idiom like “May I compare thee to an X?”, “X is the new Y,” and “I for one welcome our new X overlords.” This snowclone touches on every subject imaginable, including music. So without further adieu, today’s topic is…

Tori Amos

At the risk of flushing my cool credits down the collective commode, I have always loved Tori Amos with (as they say on Television Without Pity) the fire of a thousand burning nuns. I have all of her albums, and when I saw her at the Vic last year in Chicago—performing a set list that was Grateful Dead-esque in its career-ranging-ness—it was one of the awesomest shows of my awesome-show-filled life. She is goddess-y. She is scrumtrelescent. She is hot. Her critics, hecklers, and pooh-poohers are formally invited to BITE ME.

That said, I am mature enough to admit that being “the Tori Amos of X” has a range of meanings far outside the realm of my twenty-year-old crush. If you’re reading, Tori, remember three things: I am just a collector, I love you, and CALL ME.

“Sylvia Plath quotes and emblems appear to be quite popular with tortured girls (she’s the Tori Amos of poetry) and I think there’s a particular cringe reserved for every woman who gets the Molly Bloom YES inked onto her wrist or shoulder blade. I wonder if those guys with the Fight Club block quotes will be less enamored with those sentiments as they (ostensibly) grow up. I suppose all three of these tattoos serve a very handy purpose by announcing to new friends or dating partners: I am slightly unstable and you are to think it’s charming.”

(July 8, 2008, Eeek! …The Lady Don’t Mind)

“You see, the White Stripes may have left Detroit, but they’re still a Rust Belt band who know the value of hard work, and aren’t afraid of it. Icky Thump has that feel to it, in a good way: They punch in, play the songs hard and good, then punch out. There’s precious little preciousness here, which is an improvement over 2005’s marimba- and grief-addled Get Behind Me Satan (the Tori Amos of White Stripes albums — you know, an acquired taste I never managed to acquire, though it sold like crazy and won a Grammy).”

(June 28, 2007, Kate Sullivan, LA Weekly)

“Fontina: The Tori Amos of Cheeses. 
It seems mild at first. Even bland… a lot of give. But despite its sweet, smooth texture and unassuming feel, it starts to grow on you. There is subtlety. Depth. Exotic, yet playful and accessible. But at some point you just get confused and accept it for what it is.”

(May 1, 2007, Permasmirk)

“A new or healthy QB should also benefit Muhsin Muhammad. Sure, he might be the Tori Amos of wide receivers — rarely on the charts, not concerned about being in the spotlight; he just does all the precious things that make music on the field — but a healthy Rex Grossman or new backup Brian Griese at QB is a big improvement over Kyle Orton.”

(Aug. 29, 2006, Drew Loftis, New York Post Blogs)

“I like to think of myself as the Tori Amos of comedy. For those who aren’t familiar with Tori Amos and her bout with Lilith Fair–she refused to join the tour because she thought it was limiting.”

(June 24, 2007, The Quest for Comedic Stardom)

“And finally there’s me (yep I’m my own hero). I finally proved my ‘Supercashier’ nickname by ringing two people out at once at two registers on either side of me. I have officially become the Tori Amos of cashiering. Who’s that swinging from the ceiling beam?? Why that’s me!”

(Jan. 18, 2006, Kafka in Disneyland)

“While doing some very important medical research here at the job I came across this startling fact on wikipedia.com: ‘…a 1992 survey revealed that Mothra was Toho’s most popular daikaiju* among women, an observation which inspired Toho to abandon its plans for a second Ghidorah film (to follow Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah) in favor of a Mothra feature.’

Holy shit! This makes Mothra the Tori Amos of giant monsters and I began wondering why that was.”

(Jan. 18, 2006, Livejournal)

“To Me She’ll Always Be the Tori Amos of Supreme Justiceship”

(July 7, 2005, The Unpopulist)

“Shannon McNally
Yes, there’s nothing like the overblown country twang of a Long Island native. She chose the wrong time to move to New Orleans, too. McNally had a busy 2006 with two recorded collaborations—a domestic release with Charlie Sexton and a French import with Neal Casal—and her own live North American Ghost Music, where she proves herself to be the Tori Amos of American History 101. McNally’s perfect for people who want their music to be cozy, and there’s plenty of it with her keeping a Wednesday residency through February. (Wednesday, February 7, at The Nick. No cover.)”

(Jan. 25, 2007, J.R. Taylor, Black & White)

“in other comparisons, i realized last week that, when eating sushi, when you get a big platter of sushi and it’s got those awful clam pieces on the platter? that you just can’t eat? clam nigiri is like the tori amos of the sushi world.”

(Oct. 13, 2005, Do the Things)

Mark Peters is a language columnist and humorist who writes for Good, Visual Thesaurus and other mags, while maintaining too many blogs, including Wordlustitude, The Rosa Parks of Blogs, and The Pancake Proverbs.

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