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We counted down the complete Beatles’ catalog, and now we take on their rivals for title of best rock band ever – The Rolling Stones. This time we’re going to break down the band’s 40+ year career in easily digestible chunks. Because Universal will be reissuing the Stones’ studio albums from the seventies, we figured that would be a great place to start. Besides, it was arguably their most fertile decade, at least in terms of variety. Their output ranged from the ragged brilliance of 1971’s Sticky Fingers to the unbridled energy of 1978’s Some Girls. In between we find the sprawling Exile on Main Street, the decadent Goats Head Soup, the fiery It’s Only Rock and Roll and the soulful Black and Blue. Keep in mind, the countdown only includes studio album cuts, no live or unreleased tracks.

66. “Can You Hear The Music”

From Goats Head Soup

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Alas, we can hear the music, and, in the case of this bizarre offering from The Rolling Stones, we wish that we couldn’t.

Every band worth their salt has had their seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time moments. Considering the sheer amount of work they’ve churned out for over four decades now, it’s pretty amazing that the Stones haven’t had more goof-ups like this song, just based on the law of averages alone. But, let’s face it, this odd number off Goats Head Soup should have been left on the cutting-room floor with the label “Failed Experiment.”

Instead, here it is, in all its loony-bin glory. It’s not even a fun mistake, as the boys go for a spiritual-uplift vibe that, frankly, is not their strong suit. The Dream-Catcher opening to the song makes me think that David Carradine is going to come wandering out of the mist at any moment to dispense terse pearls of wisdom. After that, you’ve got every instrument distorted to a blur, while Mick Jagger drops inane lyrics like “Love is a mystery I can’t demystify.” By the time you hear that chanted refrain for the umpteenth time, you’ll be begging for mercy.

The Stones always had extra songs lying around in their 60’s/70’s heyday; why they didn’t use one of those to fill out this album escapes me. Chalk this one up to a brain cramp by Mick and Keith, and let’s move on.

65. “Far Away Eyes”

From Some Girls

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Mick Jagger has never made a secret out of the fact that he finds country and western music a tad humorous. He also claims that he often sings the Stones country-inflected numbers with his tongue firmly planted in his cheek.

That explanation does not come close to defending “Far Away Eyes,” which comes across as a cheap shot to everyone who’s ever performed or listened to country music. Singing in the Hee-Hawiest Southern accent he can conjure, Jagger latches on to trite clichés about radio preachers and prayers for hire that have not aged well at all.

Mick’s claimed ignorance of what makes country music tick doesn’t hold water either; check out his brilliant performances of C&W-inflected Stones classics like “No Expectations” and “Wild Horses” for proof that he can sing this material straight-up without the hambone theatrics. And how Keith Richards, who was deeply inspired by his pal Gram Parsons’ work, let this Some Girls track pass is beyond me. The Grievous Angel would clearly disapprove.

Parsons understood the worth of the music which the Stones seem to hold in contempt here. Other than Ronnie Wood’s deft pedal-steel work, there’s nothing worthwhile to recommend about this one.

64. “Hey Negrita”

From Black and Blue

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Jagger and Richards have always been pretty vigilant about protecting their songwriting credits (which is often cited as the reason for Mick Taylor’s departure from the group). In the case of “Hey Negrita,” Ronnie Wood, who came up with the riff that drives the song, got an “Inspiration by” credit on Black And Blue.

If I were the Glimmer Twins, I gladly would have ceded credit on this one. I personally don’t find the title (which apparently was Mick’s pet name for his wife Bianca) objectionable, although I’m certainly not the demographic that would have reason to be offended, so maybe I shouldn’t presume. What is disturbing is that the Stones essentially recycle that main riff for 5 minutes without bringing anything else to the table.

As background music, “Hey Negrita” isn’t too bad. But it comes dangerously close to being “filler,” a term that you can’t use often with the Stones’ output throughout the 70’s.

63. “Short and Curlies”

From It’s Only Rock ‘N Roll

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Hey, we get it, OK? The guy is whipped, right? We understood it the first time you sang, “She’s got you by the balls.” But after you hear it nine or ten times, the mild expletive of the refrain loses some of its novelty, no? It almost makes you want to hear that title phrase worked in there, doesn’t it? (What rhymes with “Curlies”?)

The best thing you can say about the It’s Only Rock ‘N Roll LP is that it was a pretty consistent effort, even if it was lacking in a true killer song to really recommend it. This is the one song on the album where the effort seems to fade, and you’re left with a provocative title and little else.

62. “Some Girls”

From Some Girls

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Count me among the ranks of people who feel that the political correctness police have run amok these days. There’s so much media out there that you can close your eyes, throw a rock, and you’ll hit something that’s offensive to somebody. It takes far too much effort to get worked up about it all.

That said, “Some Girls” didn’t have enough artistic merit to make it worth defending 30 years ago, and it still doesn’t today. It seems like the only motivation behind the song was to cause controversy, and I guess, considering the uproar that followed its release, it served its purpose. But it clearly contains some lyrics that are unenlightened, at best, and nasty, at worst.

There’s also something a bit disingenuous about the way that Jagger has defended the song in interviews and yet avoids the most controversial lines (the ones about “Black girls” and “Chinese girls”) when the group performs the song live. You can say that he’s an equal-opportunity offender, but consider that the worst he says about “White girls” is that “they’re pretty funny/Sometimes they drive me mad.” That’s not exactly scathing commentary.

Maybe all the controversy helped album sales; the LP of the same name was one of the Stones’ biggest hits ever. But coming from a band that has always been provocative in the best possible way, shining a light on the dark side of society by exposing their own demons for all the world to see, the racist overtones of “Some Girls” are a blight upon their excellent catalog of work.

61. “Melody”

From Black and Blue

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The late, great Billy Preston is the driving force behind this track off Black And Blue. Malleable enough to make contributions to the great twin poles of British rock, the Stones and The Beatles, Preston is certainly one of the most underrated figures in rock history.

But this track falls victim to the same kind of lazy editing that plagued the Stones’ 1976 transitional album (they used the record as a giant audition for their open guitarist position, which was won by Ron Wood.) Preston’s piano is jazzily wonderful, but a memorable song never reveals itself from behind the inspired playing. Jagger doesn’t help matters with some mannered scatting, nor do the lyrics, which take a rather dark turn against the jaunty music.

Like so many of the songs on Black And Blue, the closer the scrutiny, the less “Melody” holds up. Even Preston’s genial energy can’t pull it out of the doldrums.

60. “Silver Train”

From Goats Head Soup

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Of all the faults that you can try to attach to The Rolling Stones over the years, some of which they might admit, one thing of which you can’t rarely accuse them is a lack of energy. Yet that’s exactly what plagues this track off Goats Head Soup.

Johnny Winter’s cover version of the song actually made it on record before the Stones’ version. Maybe the boys thought the song was old news; hence, the listless reading of the song. The repetitive structure is best suited for a long jam, but apart from a few stabs by Mick Taylor on lead guitar, the Stones simply get in and get out.

As for Mick’s lyrics, I’m sure that “Silver Train” is a metaphor for something either sex or drug-related, but when he sings he wants to get on board, he sounds so half-hearted that you can’t possibly want to join him for the trip. There’s a why-bother feel to the whole song, and its dullness renders it pretty forgettable.

59. “Lies”

From Some Girls

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Momentum is one thing this track has going for it. The twin-guitar attack of Keith Richards and Ron Wood found on Some Girls is far different from what the Stones had been employing with Mick Taylor in the fold. Taylor was more of a precision striker, while Wood would team up with Richards for a blunt-force assault.

While that approach sounded novel back when it was debuted in ‘78, some 30-odd years later, “Lies” sounds an awful lot like what seems like a thousand other rockers the group has released since then (“Hang Fire” and “Neighbors” come immediately to mind). And the full-throttle approach was actually tackled on other, better songs from the same album, making this one suffer by comparison.

The subject matter is pretty much summed up by the title, and it’s not the most novel topic. Still, the song does give us one unintentionally hilarious couplet from Jagger: “Lies, lies, lies, you dirty Jezebel/Why, why, why, why don’t you go to hell?” It ain’t Shakespeare, but it holds a certain worldly wisdom, doesn’t it?

58. “Turd on the Run”

From Exile on Main St.

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It’s too bad that this track off of Exile On Main St. doesn’t ascend to loftier heights, because it’s got one of the all-time great titles. A good title does not a great song make however, and this one is probably the low point of the Stones’ landmark 1972 double-LP.

Mick Jagger has gone on record to say that he feels like Exile was hamstrung somewhat by inferior mixes throughout. That’s a bit of an odd statement considering that the album is often cited as the group’s best, but he might have a point with “Turd On The Run,” which also suffers from a cluttered arrangement. There’s too much going on at once in what sounds like it was intended to be homage to Chuck Berry.

Maybe it’s a good thing that Jagger’s vocals get buried, because his lyrics about throwing his deceitful lover, bound at the arms and legs, to the sharks aren’t exactly Hallmark material. A rare misstep on a pretty impeccable album.

57. “Casino Boogie”

From Exile on Main St.

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I’ll take an interesting misfire over dull mediocrity any day, so I have a little bit of a soft spot for yet another Exile track. The song’s selling points are Jagger’s crazily abstract lyrics, which sound like mid-60’s Dylan crossed with the Marquis de Sade.

If only they came in service of a more invigorating track. “Casino Boogie” bounces along amiably but never ignites. The band plays the song competently enough, but it lacks the ragged glory of some of the other Exile classics.

But Jagger certainly seems to having a fine old time with his mumbo-jumbo poetry. Not only does he get to drop crazy wordplay like “thrill freak Uncle Sam,” he also gets to subversively slip in some lewdness amidst the jabberwocky (“kissing c— in Cannes” comes to mind). He must have taken great delight in slipping that one in, figuratively, of course. Oh hell, it’s Mick Jagger. He probably slipped it in literally as well.

56. “Hide Your Love”

From Goats Head Soup

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It’s rare that Jagger plays piano, but interesting results often come to pass when he does. Tucked away quietly on Goats Head Soup, an album that tended toward the introspective anyway, is this piano-driven bluesy rambler.

Jagger seems to relish singing on the track, which has a hint of Fats Domino in those bouncy chords. He drawls out the syllables seductively and also displays a nice instrumental interplay with Mick Taylor, who commits a typically tasteful and restrained lead to complement the song without overwhelming it.

The laid-back vibe of the music is a bit at odds with Jagger’s despairing lyrics however, which creates a disconnect. Still, it’s not a bad change of pace for the band, although it shows the tentativeness that hampered Goats Head Soup as a whole.

Go to Page 2 (Songs 55-46) >>

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