X is the Y of Z

“X is the Y of Z” is a snowclone–an adaptable, Mad Libs-like idiom like “May I compare thee to an X?”, “X is the new Y,” and “I for one welcome our new X overlords.” This snowclone touches on every subject imaginable, including music. So without further adieu, today’s topic is…

Johnny Cash

I love Johnny Cash more than anyone else I’ve done this feature about, so I feel a bit queasy about taking his name in vain, lest the kind of earthly pain and divine retribution Cash sang about rain down on me. Rings of fire are bad for my feet.

But I am just a collector, and the man is a prominent face on anyone’s Mount Rushmore of music. Comparisons are inevitable. If the ghost of J.C. is reading, please note the quotation marks and spare me your wrath. Please?

“I’m like the Johnny Cash of basketball writers. I’ve pretty much been everywhere in my life to watch the game.”

((March 10, 2009, Jared Field, Flint Journal)

“Bow, mortals! Bow before the satanic majesty of the Ricoh R10, a camera as black as the depths of your soul. This 10-megapixel point-and-shoot is the Johnny Cash of cameras: the cam in black, if you will. The all-metal — or should that be metaaalllll! — frame is black, the accents are black, the rubberised grip is black. The lens barrel is black. Even the battery is black.”

(Nov. 13, 2008, Rich Trenholm, CNET UK)

“I learned from Ferron’s website that critics call her ‘the Johnny Cash of lesbian folksinging.’ Her bio is full of amazing details, like how she ran away from home as a teenager, but couldn’t turn to the Catholic Church for help — because they had banned her for using the word “bra” in the church youth group.”

(Sept. 20, 2008, Jesus in Love Blog)

“I love the idea of Nascar because it brings people’s inner redneck out and watching cars drive in a bowl 1000 times seems loud and fun. Richard Petty no longer drives cause he is too old but he is kind of like the Johnny Cash of Nascar. He would be the best person to join our band or that hot chick that drives in the Nascar races.”

(Aug. 14, 2008, Absolute Punk)

“I walk into class, take a spot next to Julie and size up the instructor. I immediately adore her – she is this cutie pie tough girl with dyed jet black hair, black eye liner and a skull tattoo on her arm – like the Johnny Cash of Gold’s Gym if you will. Anyone that looks that rockin’ at 7:15 AM is a god in my book.”

(March 22, 2008, Me and My Charms)

“Directed by Berlin filmmaker Leopold Gruen, it recounts the life of thrice-married Reed, who spent almost 20 years behind the Iron Curtain and was called the ‘Johnny Cash of Communism’ in the l970s and ’80s, but gained little recognition in the West.”

(Aug. 7, 2007, Clive Freeman, M&G Movies)

“You can’t portray yourself as the Johnny Cash of the political circuit, then turn around and spend that kind of jack on a haircut without losing some cred. Just my humble opinion.”

(July 13, 2007, Democratic Underground)

“Have to disagree, Adrien. I saw Gore on Letterman last week and he’s definitely a porker. Wears all black these days – possibly to throw out a clergyman’s vibe for the AGW faith, possibly to slim down, possibly to be the Johnny Cash of carbon credits. After 2000, he fell-in to-a burnin’ ring o’ fire…”

(May 28, 2007, Catallaxyfiles)

“My advice for mornings: 
Do as much as you can the night before – All has been said except: If you drink Coffee, get an automatic timer.
Buy all black clothes, shoes and belts (I am the Johnny Cash of my office – No matching = easier to grab an outfit)”

(March 22, 2007, Ask Moxie)

Mark Peters is a language columnist and humorist who writes for Good, Visual Thesaurus and other mags, while maintaining too many blogs, including Wordlustitude, The Rosa Parks of Blogs, and The Pancake Proverbs.

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