Commentary

With the day of mass turkey consumption rapidly approaching and Christmas right around the corner, one has to arm him, or her, self with plenty of conversational ammunition to wage a successful battle in the holiday banter wars. And can you think of a better way to impress your friends and family this holiday season than with obscure Rock And Roll fun facts? Plus these little nuggets of joy can be dropped at just the right time to get you out of potentially painful discussions.

For example, say you’re sitting around the dinner table devouring your third helping of Thanksgiving turkey and your dad inquires as to what you are planning to do with the rest of your life. You can respond by saying:

Did you know that before Phil Hartman joined the cast of Saturday Night Live in 1986 he worked as a graphic designer? Even more surprising is that he designed covers for some pretty notable 70’s bands including Poco’s 1978 album, Legend, Firesign Theatre’s 1980 album, Fighting Clowns, Steely Dan’s 1977 album Aja, and three covers for 70’s folk rock stalwarts America. Plus, love it or hate it, he was responsible for the Crosby, Stills and Nash logo they “rocked” in the 70’s. And don’t be fooled by the Phil Hartmann (with the extra “n”) credits on the inserts- he switched to the single “n” spelling sometime around 1986.

Oh. I’m sorry dad, I forgot you were more of a punk rock connoisseur. Well in that case, did you know that legendary Black Flag guitarist and founder of SST Records Greg Ginn was a huge Deadhead? Yup. That means songs like “Slip It In,” “My War,” “Bastard In Love,” and “Loose Nut” were at least partially inspired by Jerry Bear and his excessive guitar noodling. Though surprising at first, this makes more and more sense when you listen to songs such as “Jam” (okay that was too easy) on the band’s 1985 live album Who’s Got the 10 ½ and the Black Flag instrumental album The Process Of Weeding Out. This album’s title also hints at another one of Ginn’s favorite pastimes, and makes the fact that he was a bit of a closet Deadhead even more logical.

One old punker who you probably won’t find lighting up a joint anytime soon is Dave Smalley. The former lead singer of DYS and Dag Nasty who still belts it out for his own band, Down By Law, is what certainly may be, to reference a Dag Nasty album title, a “minority of one.” Smalley is a conservative punk rocker. He even writes for a website called “Conservative Punk.” Is that even possible? Perhaps it is just a sign that punk rock has in fact come full circle. Either way, it just seems flat-out bizarre-universe weird that a guy like Smalley could endorse the administration of George W. Bush.

Smalley is just one of a handful of hyper-educated old-school punks out there these days. Bad Religion lead singer Greg Graffin and Descendents mouth-piece Milo Aukerman both have their PhD’s, while Smalley and former Pacifica High School valedictorian Dexter Holland (The Offspring) both earned their Masters. And I thought punk rockers were supposed to be under-achievers.

One guy who educated before he rocked was Robert Pollard. The Guided By Voices frontman taught elementary school in Ohio years before he traveled from club to club guzzling cans of Miller Lite on stage, as opposed to on stool. Former Husker Du member Greg Norton quit playing bass in exchange for cooking bass at his own restaurant in Red Wing, MN, called The Norton’s. Greg co-owns the restaurant with his wife, Sarah. If you go to their website, you will find that Greg is still sporting his trademark handlebar mustache.

In this age of the PC people may not be reaching for the White Out liquid paper to correct their typing mistakes as often as they used to, but it is notable that the substance was invented by Michael Nesmith’s (guitarist from The Monkees) mom Bette. On a completely unrelated note, Kip Winger (bass player and singer from 80’s hair metalists Winger) was into ballet when he was young. This explains the fluidity of his stage moves in the video for the band’s hairspray classic “Seventeen.” I wonder if they taught him how to prance around with a bass while neglecting to play it in ballet class as well. Another metal guy who was a protégé in a bit of a manlier sport was Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich, who moved to California from Denmark at a young age to train to become the next John McEnroe. Instead, he ended up falling in love with heavy metal and hooking up with James and Co. He still found a net and court though, only this time they revolved around a little company called Napster.

As if all those weren’t amazing enough, you can thrill your colleagues with these tantalizing tid-bits. “Did you know that Boy George is in fact….a man?” They will be amazed. Watch their jaws drop when you follow that up with, “I heard a rumor, and I believe it is true, that Michael Jackson was in fact, at one time…. a black man!” Their minds will be blown! Finish them off with the most well-kept secret from the 80’s new wave era, that Cars frontman Ric Ocasek once killed a man….with his Adam’s apple.

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