Commentary

Maybe it’s all the talk of bailouts and socialism and such in the news these days, but I find myself (formerly a card-carrying Red) suddenly defending the precepts of capitalism in strange ways. One of these odd free-market notions hit me the other day when I was walking to my neighborhood Kroger supermarket.

Out in the parking lot, a big white tent and truck were set up with speakers and the massive emblem of a new radio station proposing to be the source of “Richmond’s New Alternative Rock.” Sure, the sight of this proposition alone kind of turned my stomach. The idea that Richmond needed a source of alternative rock was a little laughable, especially since no one with any respect for music uses that dated, corporate phrase any more. But hell, let’s stick with it. Let’s go along for a moment here and say there is “alternative rock” and radio stations are bringing it to us.

Still with me? Okay. So here’s the music our new source was playing as I skirted past their billowing tent: Nickelback. Yep. Nickelback. Does anybody even listen to this band? Apparently. Anyway, some warbly Eddie-Vedder-rip-off tune petered out just in time for me to hear the DJ tell me the name of the band before announcing he would now grace us with a “classic” track from Good Charlotte.

Zoinks!

I tried my best to cover my ears. It was cold out, so this didn’t look so snobby as it sounds in print. But when I came back out to the lot with my bags, the dude was talking over the end of a Pixies’ song and getting ready to play The All-American Rejects.

I won’t go into why these bands (aside from the Pixies) aren’t exactly my taste. I’m sure you don’t want to hear it. But I will go into why these bands shouldn’t be included in our theoretical “alternative rock” radio program.

First, to return to capitalism: It’s my understanding that the central function of music radio is to sell records. It’s a vehicle to get people’s attention and make them want to own the stuff you’re giving them little snippets of. Sure, you corporate folk seem to think it’s just a tool to sell ad time. But I’d bet you can keep selling ad time and get a few records (CDs, downloads) sold by actually turning listeners on to new stuff. It worked in the 50s. And then in the 60s. Oh, wait. It worked every decade up until recently, when one company owns all the stations in America and plays the same stuff over and over.

These groups aren’t “alternative” to anything else. They are blandly mainstream in every way. Supported by huge corporations, pumped from speakers at the nation’s lamest bars, with their albums prominently displayed at places like Costco, Target and Wal-Mart, these bands are just filler for that portion of society that is hardly paying attention. Even the Pixies (sorry, generation) are just a rock band at this point. There’s no “alternative” secret around this stuff.

On the other hand, there’s a ridiculous wealth of unheard acts from the last 30 or more years and indie rock groups getting started up as we speak who could really use a plug or two on-air. Selling their records—along with the Steve Miller and Boston greatest hits collections that classic rock stations obsess over—would be doing a solid for the record industry as a whole. And it would give radio a little bit of 21st-century legitimacy.

But still, hang in there with me. There’s evidence that exposing people to new music sells more music. And not just in the radio format. Right here, online, people are blogging and ranking and discussing music and people all over the world are getting to hear about new stuff, which they then drop cash to own for themselves. Hmmm… What if corporate radio grew a pair and tried getting in on a little of this action?

So here’s my proposal. I know you guys love promoting the warmed-over bar bands like Nickelback and those pretty-boy pop-punk acts no one can even remember the names of, but let’s take a chance. Let’s get some actual new music on the radio and show a diversity of style. Radio right now sounds so bad that when I can’t find a CD in my car I listen to a bible-thumping preacher for entertainment, just so I don’t have to hear from another band that thinks Led Zeppelin and Nirvana are everything you need to know about rock. If there was hope for getting exposed to something new, I think a lot more people would be giving Clear Channel’s 20th-century technology a listen.

Whew! Had to get that off my chest.

As for my city’s new source for alternative rock, can you please turn those speakers down over at the Kroger? I can’t take another dose of Bush’s “Glycerine.”