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To most Beatles fans, choosing between the songs of the Fab 4 is a bit like choosing between children. But, on the JamsBio exclusive, Playing The Beatles Backward, one intrepid fan dares to rank the original songs of The Beatles and give his reasons why in a worst-to-first countdown. Check back each day for the next five songs on the list, prepare to hit the message boards to defend your favorites, and follow the countdown all the way to Number 1.

The complete list to date.

The Last Five:

144. “Birthday”

143. “Baby You’re A Rich Man”

142. “Cry Baby Cry”

141. “Only A Northern Song”

140. “Penny Lane”

139. “Every Little Thing”

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One of the more obscure Beatles songs from one of the more obscure Beatles albums (Beatles For Sale), “Every Little Thing” deserves a wider audience. It’s hurt by the fact that it’s very short, even by Beatles’ standards. Once you get a little invested in it, it’s over.

The thing I like the most is Ringo whomping on the tympani during the chorus. It adds some dramatic reminiscent of a movie soundtrack. The sentiment expressed is nice enough, a typical Paul ballad. What’s odd is that because of the way the song was recorded, it sounds like John singing lead (even though the pair harmonize throughout), which goes against the Lennon/McCartney rule of thumb that the one who sung it is the one who composed it.

Throw on some melodic lead guitar from George, and you have an all-around sound effort that just comes up a bit short in terms of ambition and inspiration. But, if you don’t know it, and casual Beatles fans might not, you’ll be in for a nice surprise when you hear it for the first time.

138. “When I Get Home”

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The phrase “When I Get Home” usually has a pretty negative connotation. Oftentimes, if somebody is saying it to you, you’re not expecting the best. “When I get home, you’re going to clean up that room, mister.” Or “when I get home, we’re going to have a chat about the cross-dressing thing.” “When I get home” ranks second only to “we need to talk” on the list of phrases guaranteed to make your ears sweat.

But John Lennon pulls a fast one on us and turns that phrase into a positive here, although you can’t really tell until the bridge, when he sings “when I get home tonight/I’m going to hold her tight/I’m going to love her ‘til the cows come home.” Hey now! Any more of that dirty talk and this list is going to come with a parental advisory. We’ll discuss this when I get…whoops, got a little carried away there.

Lennon turns out some nice one-liners throughout, my personal favorite being “I got no time for triviality.” On the negative side, the falsetto backing vocals are a little crazed. It sounds like somebody poured a bucket of ice on the group in the high part of the chorus. Not a bad little number from A Hard Day’s Night, but strictly pedestrian by Beatles’ standards.

137. “Run For Your Life”

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John Lennon was particularly harsh in his assessment of this song, the last one on Rubber Soul, calling it on at least one occasion his least favorite by the group. Considering that he wrote the song, he wasn’t grinding any axes either.

My guess is that the misogynistic trappings of the lyrics somewhat unsettled him. The very first line (“I’d rather see you dead, little girl, than to be with another man”) comes straight from a song popularized by Elvis, but the rest of the ominous sentiments are all John. “Let this be a sermon girl/That I mean everything I said/Baby I’m determined/That I’d rather see you dead.” Some nifty internal rhymes, but not exactly Boyfriend-of-the-Year material.

John probably felt that he’d revealed a dark side of his personality that he’d just as soon have kept hidden. The fact that the song is sung in the first person rather than as a character study/joke like “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer,” for instance, could possibly have confused listeners into thinking that’s how he really was. (Whether he was or not is an issue for biographers, not me.)

Maybe I’m just reading into it too much, but I doubt John hated this song based solely on its merits alone. It’s an effective enough country shuffle with a great refrain. The only problem with the dark tone of the lyrics for me is that they don’t quite gibe with the sunny music.

As for how listeners might perceive him, I could see the John Lennon as Beatle of 1965 concerned about the group’s mop-top image, but, if my theory is right, it’s surprising that the bitingly honest post-Beatle John Lennon cared so much about such a minor song in the group’s massive catalog.

136. “I’m Happy Just To Dance With You”

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Well, this girl must be one helluva dancer. After all, George doesn’t want to kiss her, hold her hand, hug her, or hold her tight (I’m guessing they aren’t slow dancing.) He just wants to dance with her, and at the end of the dance he’s convinced he’ll be in love with her. It’s like she’s some Greek goddess who has the power to hypnotize men simply by doing the Mashed Potato.

Harrison sang on this Lennon-written track because he didn’t write anything of his own on the soundtrack to A Hard Day’s Night. Even though he had made his songwriting debut with “Don’t Bother Me” on With The Beatles in 1963, George had nothing on this album or on 1964’s other release, Beatles For Sale. But, when he did return with songwriting credits on Help! In 1965, they were much stronger and more assured efforts.

Maybe he was building up his confidence, but, in the meantime, the group continued to assign him lovey-dovey songs that were somewhat at odds with his sardonic personality. And yet he manages to convey an honest sweetness in his vocal here that rises above the silliness of the premise.

When you add in the airtight production and the ingratiating chorus, you can see why, even though it wasn’t a single, “I’m Happy Just To Dance With You” still receives significant airplay today.

135. “Misery”

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One of the first indications that Lennon/McCartney could do something other than happy love songs was “Misery,” the second track on their very first British LP, Please Please Me. Ironically, it was written for the popular British singer Helen Shapiro, who turned it down. Needing songs to fill out the album, The Beatles cranked out their own version of “Misery.”

If there is a problem with the song, it’s that the boys pretty much say how they feel rather than using images to conjure those feelings. Yet they evoke the proper mood nicely with their harmonies, which don’t soar to their usual ebullient heights but instead seem weighed down with sorrow.

It’s also fun to hear them use teen slang like “it’s gonna be a drag” to describe their woe. That line serves as a reminder of just how young they were while they were conquering the world.

Just one song after “Misery” on Please Please Me, the group turned out a knockout cover of the Arthur Williams classic, “Anna (Go to Him),” a much deeper weeper that suggests all the hurt of a break-up along with more mature themes like forgiveness and resignation. Future Beatle sad songs would have similar depth and then some, but “Misery” was an acceptable, if obvious, first try.