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To most Beatles fans, choosing between the songs of the Fab 4 is a bit like choosing between children. But, on the JamsBio exclusive, Playing The Beatles Backward, one intrepid fan dares to rank the original songs of The Beatles and give his reasons why in a worst-to-first countdown. Check back each day for the next five songs on the list, prepare to hit the message boards to defend your favorites, and follow the countdown all the way to Number 1.

The complete list to date.

The Last Five:

174. “I Wanna Be Your Man”

173. “Love You To”

172. “Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?”

171. “Magical Mystery Tour”

170. “Wild Honey Pie”

169. “For You Blue”

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The idea behind the whole Get Back project, which would eventually morph into Let It Be, probably appealed to The Beatles at the time, but it makes less sense to all of us viewing it through the lens of history. We know now that the notion of getting these four men in the same room together, at a time when they were barely speaking, and forcing them to face each other all day long with cameras everywhere was a folly of epic proportions. The fact that knife fights didn’t ensue was a small miracle.

But more than that, the line of thinking that said The Beatles should be reduced in the studio was the big problem. Had they risen to the occasion with a whip-smart, focused set of songs that might have sounded great even with the sparest of productions, then Let It Be might have been right up there with the best of the Beatles’ albums. Instead, many of the songs seem like little more than glorified improvs.

“For You Blue” fits this last category. It’s nice to hear George sounding light-hearted here rather than burdened with the weight of the eternal souls of everyone on the planet, as he had on the previous few albums. At the same time, it’s hard to believe too much in the loosey-goosey, relaxed atmosphere suggested by Harrison’s vocal patter throughout the song, such as his cheering on John Lennon’s agile pedal steel guitar work and name-dropping Elmore James. Hey, the cameras were on; maybe this was a little bit of an acting job.

It’s hard to get too worked up about “For You Blue” one way or another, and I suppose you could say that for the whole of Let It Be. The Beatles checked their grand ambitions at the door for that album, the very same ambitions that spurred them on to greatness in the first place.

168. “Don’t Pass Me By”

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There apparently is evidence of Ringo Starr mentioning on a BBC program somewhere around 1964 that he had been working on a song called “Don’t Pass Me By.” It was finally released on The White Album in 1968. That means it took 4 years for Starr to polish up this song, his first solo composing credit with the group.

Considering all of that time spent, you might have expected something Beethovenesque as the result. Instead, we got a bizarre, fiddle-laden, country number which finds Ringo moaning over a love who keeps him waiting. I don’t know why he’d be so worked up, since it appears the girl in question is now bald as a result of an auto accident. Maybe she had an early prototype for the Flobee, and things went horribly awry when she tried to give herself a trim using the rear-view. Don’t cut and drive, people. It’s the law.

The other odd thing about this number (actually there are about a million odd things about this number, but let’s keep it brief) is that, considering it was written by a drummer, it’s got probably the clunkiest rhythm of any Beatles track out there. Usher couldn’t dance to this song.

But, then again, it’s quintessentially Ringo, isn’t it? It’s charming in an oddball way, and the whimsy is unforced, as opposed to some of the unsubtle attempts at humor found elsewhere on The White Album. We’ll give Ringo a pass here, and hope that the girl in the song discovered Rogaine somewhere along the way.

167. “Doctor Robert”

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Nobody loved a good inside joke more than The Beatles. Subtle references and buried hints are peppered throughout their catalog, so much so that those Easter eggs eventually took on a life of their own. But “Doctor Robert” is basically an entire song devoted to an inside joke, referencing a doctor that the boys knew who was a bit, shall we say, friendly in his distribution of pharmaceuticals. And, as The Beatles themselves were well down the mind-expansion path by this point, you can see how immortalizing this dubious character might have seemed like a subversive idea.

The problem is that they concentrated so much on the inside joke part of things that they neglected to write a very good song in the process. The track is straightforward and plodding, not what you would expect from a song that wants to reference a mood-altering doctor. Maybe the idea was that by making the track so square it would mirror this character that hid behind the forthright image of a healer, but all the while was doing a little something extra on the side. But that puts quite a burden on a listener to figure out all of that, and it makes for more of an academic exercise that a pleasurable listening experience.

What’s odd about it is that The Beatles were beginning to incorporate psychedelic influences so brilliantly in songs like “Tomorrow Never Knows” and “She Said She Said,” which, like this song, were both featured on Revolver. John Lennon, who wrote those other two classics, also did the yeoman’s work on “Doctor Robert.” Maybe he thought he was going to the well too often. Or maybe he thought making any more overt references would shine too harsh a light on the guy. Whatever his decision-making process might have been, it seems flawed now.

Oddly enough, the best part of the song is the “well, well, well” bridge, which was apparently a Paul McCartney contribution. It effectively evokes the dreamlike quality that one might associate with a chemically-induced journey. More of that would have made “Doctor Robert” a song that you could groove to rather than just wink at.

166. “And I Love Her”

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As we head through this monumental list of songs in reverse order, we are encountering the worst before the best. And so, by simple deduction, since it is the first ballad we come across, that means that I consider “And I Love Her” the worst Beatles ballad ever. (#179 “Ask Me Why” might be considered a ballad by some, but it’s more mid-tempo to me.)

Is this possible? Can the song that I considered worthy enough to transcribe its lyrics in order to win over my 3rd-grade crush possibly have fallen so far in my estimation? (Alas, she left me at recess later that day; it was not to be.)

The truth is that listening to it these days, it’s hard for me to sidestep the lyrics to get to the pretty melody. Those words sound like something that a reality-show contestant who claims to write poetry would intone in the Romance Suite or some such nonsense. They don’t hold up to the Beatles’ standards, and it’s not too surprising since the group took a little while to develop their softer side after all those years of playing loud and fast when they were trying to make it.

“Bright are the stars that shine/Dark is the sky,” sings Paul, practically oozing sincerity. Well, awkward is the syntax and mushy is the sentiment, if you ask me. Still, to you 3rd-graders out there, I’d highly recommend it.

165. “The Word”

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Anticipating flower-power by a few years, this Rubber Soul oddity advocates love as an all-powerful cure to the world’s ills. Obviously, “All You Need Is Love” would corner the market on that genre for The Beatles a few years later, leaving “The Word” as something of a curious footnote.

Paul McCartney has been quoted as saying that the song was an attempt to write a song with one note. Well, one problem with is that I don’t know why that would be appealing unless you’re planning on hypnotizing somebody to do your evil bidding. The other problem is that, while it’s not exactly a singsong melody, there is more than one note in “The Word,” so the mission wasn’t quite accomplished.

There are enough quirks in the lyrics here to make this interesting though. John Lennon sings that he has found this life-changing knowledge “in the good and the bad books that I have read.” That qualifies it a little bit, doesn’t it? I’m not sure I’d base my worldview on such a questionable source.

At other points, with the “be like me” and “show everybody the light” lines, the singers sound downright megalomaniacal. Couple that with those otherworldly high harmonies, and you can perhaps read this song a parody of the theory the group seems to be espousing.

Those little tweaks give this song a hint of something darker below the surface goodwill. So maybe how you receive this song depends on the mood you’re in at the time. Then you can decide whether to take the group at their “Word.”

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