DVD Review

Way back in 1982 an adorable little rock and roll movie called Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains quietly emerged. The film received a limited theatrical release, and, after that, was only occasionally aired on TV and cable. Due to contractual complications it was never released on video and is only now seeing the light of day on DVD for the first time.

There are a handful of rock and roll movie from this time period that, similar to The Fabulous Stains, are more fascinating in regards to their anthropological value than actual cinematic finesse. Two legendary punk rock films, The Sex Pistols The Great Rock And Roll Swindle, and The Clash’s Rude Boy immediately spring to mind. Both films were basically a mess (the Pistol’s film was cobbled together from a collection of aborted projects, while Rude Boy was so off-the-cuff that it was tough to make heads or tails out of its thin “plot”) but still proved completely watchable in a nostalgic sense. Perhaps no better documents exist that capture the spirit and actual feel of London during the first wave of punk rock. Not to mention the fact that the music saves both of the films!

On the other side of the coin, the music in Fabulous Stains is certainly not it’s savior. In fact, most of it is downright wretched. What makes this film so intriguing is the fact that it may well have planted the seeds for the Riot Grrrl movement that would roll down the pike ten years or so later.

The film follows the exploits of recently orphaned Corinne “Third Degree” Burns. Burns is played by an uber-young Diane Lane, who forms a three-piece band. Joining her is her sis on guitar and her cousin (played by Laura Dern) on bass. They have no drummer – which is pretty punk rock I guess, even though one could argue that the most punk rock thing to do in this situation would be to have the band members play no instruments whatsoever. But you have to take into account that back in 1982, suburban teenage girls weren’t too concerned with the punk rock protocol.

Since this is a movie (and especially since this is an 80’s movie) this talent-less three-piece somehow snags an opening slot on a US tour headlined by aging Kiss-esque rockers (they were apparently even considered old back then) The Metal Corpses and an up and coming British punk band, The Looters. And, once again famous names abound. Fee Waybill, lead singer of The Tubes, portrays The Corpses frontman, Lou Corpse. Meanwhile, The Looters are comprised of Paul Simonon on bass (The Clash) and Steve Jones and Paul Cook (both from the then recently imploded Sex Pistols) on guitar and drums respectively. The true wildcard in the mix is a young, thin Ray Winstone popping up as The Looters lead singer.

In all honesty, Winstone is kind of a joke in this movie. Especially in the live performance scenes with The Looters. Whereas Jones, Simonon, and Cook just bled cool, Winstone comes across as a total poseur. His herky-jerky stage moves are punk-rock paint-by-numbers antics, and his angry persona…oh geez. It’s stuff like this that makes me sympathetic to Nancy Dowd, who wrote the screenplay but then chose the pseudonym Rob Morton for the film’s credits when she was disappointed by the end result. Not to hammer on director Lou Adler too hard, but he really seems to have taken a great concept and just made a very average film.

“Just watchable” may be a better way to describe it. In fact, this may be one of the few films in which it is a better idea to watch the feature-length commentary (the one that features Lane and Dern recalling their filming experience like two giddy teenage girls at a slumber party) before watching the actual movie. The actual film really ain’t that great, but once you learn a bit about it’s history, the unique time period it captured, and the diverse personalities that pulled it all together, this strange little rock and roll movie certainly has its charms.

Check out the trailer to Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains

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