Song List

As a certified wine snob—I’ve been trained as a wine educator, which means I have an “Official Right” to mock any kind of alcohol which issues from a spigot attached to a box—most people assume that I’d recommend soft jazz to drink by. You know, that Sunday morning NPR messy-jazzy stuff that sounds like, in the immortal words of Michael Buble, “a blues ensemble falling down a set of stairs”?

Not so, not so. Here are the best wine name-checks in pop:

“Red Red Wine” by UB40
Okay, there’s some slightly upsetting lyrics about a monkey that gets choked, but other than that—great song for the bottle.

“Tiny Bubbles” by Don Ho
Before we discovered that my inability to add or subtract in my head is a lifelong affliction, my parents took me on a visit to the Air Force Academy, where we watched cadets marching across the Terrazzo in time to this song. When I met my husband and found out that he had attended the Academy, I immediately asked if he marched to “Tiny Bubbles,” and was rewarded with a look of mixed pain (from the memories) and terror (that I would know such an intimate thing about his former life so early in the relationship.)

In addition to fusing the wonderful worlds of the Air Force, luaus, and fermentation, Don Ho hereby receives one million points for never referring to Champagne as the hideously redundant “French Champagne” or “real Champagne.” Looking at you, Ricky Martin.

“Strawberry Wine” by Deana Carter
Aw, Deana. We know your first was headed to college and had a car, but it was really no excuse to give him your virginity and a pass on boozing you up with Boone’s Farm.

“Scenes From an Italian Restaurant” by Billy Joel
A bottle of red, a bottle of white: Even non-wine snobs can appreciate this one. Just grab a glass, and any old bottle, doesn’t matter. Everybody’s happy.

“Watermelon Crawl” by Tracy Byrd
The only way to make hooch more hideous to the wine snob’s palate is to throw in a complicated line dance—which is precisely why this song is awarded a place on my playlist. Go for broke, Tracy!

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What are you’re favorite songs from the vine?

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